You Don’t Have a Relationship Problem—You Have a Thought Problem
Here’s the brutal truth: most people aren’t sabotaging their relationship because of what their partner does.
They’re sabotaging it because of how they relate to their own thinking about their partner. If you’re constantly dissecting their flaws, replaying every annoyance, and zeroing in on what’s missing, of course you feel disconnected. It’s not because they’ve changed. It’s because your thoughts have—and you’re treating these judgmental thoughts as facts.
Who likes to feel judged and criticized?
Your emotional experience in love is never coming from your partner—it’s coming from the thoughts you believe about them. Thoughts that feel so real you’d bet your bank account on them. (one exception is if they are poking you with a stick, that's not what I ever talk about or point to, if you're being mentally or physically abused seek support and help)
These thought loops, and ruminations they’re just stories. And when you obsess over what’s wrong, you withdraw the currency of goodwill that deep connection needs to survive. Then you wonder why intimacy is dead.
Why you feel misunderstood.
Why they feel like a stranger.
Why every conversation feels like a landmine.
Why they stop opening up… and you stop caring.
Why you’re craving closeness but bracing for rejection.
Why love feels more like performance than partnership.
Why they’d rather scroll than touch you.
Why you feel like their roommate with benefits — if that.
Why they’re emotionally constipated… and you’re starving for depth.
Why the only thing you're building together is silent resentment.
You don’t need another communication hack.
You don't need to meditate more.
You don't need medication or alcohol to numb out.
You need a different relationship with your own mind.
Because the real sabotage isn’t happening out there—it’s happening internally.
That's great news!!
Because it's well within your control to edit, and change. Look we can't change another person, what I will say when you master your thoughts you will have a secret super power to influence your partner!
Want to see how this is playing out in real time? DM me. This is the work most people aren’t brave enough to look at—but it’s the very thing that will change everything.