What If You Focused on What You Do Want?
How different would your life be if you focused on what you truly wanted... instead of obsessing over what you don’t want?
Most every new client I work with is focused on what they don't want. And we break this habit first.
Why?
Because nothing comes from being the pitty party, complaining junkie.
Examples:
Your Partner’s Flaws From how they load the dishwasher to how they communicate (or don’t), fixating on every perceived shortcoming becomes a mental checklist of disappointment. It breeds resentment, not resolution.
What’s Missing The passion, the attention, the affection, the validation—hyper-focusing on what's absent creates a lens of lack. And when you're constantly scanning for emptiness, you can’t see what's still alive.
The Same Old Arguments Ever notice how the fight is rarely about what you're fighting about? Replaying the same unresolved issue on loop—money, parenting, intimacy—keeps you emotionally stuck and exhausted.
The Fear of Being Hurt (Again)When people live in emotional defense mode, they obsess over protecting themselves from future pain rather than creating present connection. Walls go up, intimacy shuts down.
What your Partner Won’t Do “He won’t go to therapy.” “She won’t listen.” “They won’t change.” This focus strips your own power, placing your emotional freedom in someone else’s unwilling hands.
What I point to is it's rather normal to hyper focus on the annoyances and lose yourself in the misery.
You’re not broken.
But your focus might be.
You can talk about your relationship problems until your throat is sore, journal about them, dissect them with friends, cry over them—and still end up in the exact same emotional hamster wheel.
Why?
Because becoming an expert in your problems AND this doesn’t create solutions. It just makes you fluent in pain. Makes you great at articulating what you don't want and feeding your brain more images and information for it to gather proof and evidence for that your relationship is X way. If conversations are just recycling blame, defensiveness, silence, or walking on eggshells... that’s not communication, that's blaming and complaining in survival mode, and WORSE it's only harming YOU!
There’s a massive shift waiting for those of you who are willing, open and curious on how to stop rehearsing the same old script—and start rewriting the a better narrative.
If you're ready to stop circling the drain and start leading your relationship with clarity, intention, and emotional ownership… reach out to me.
Let’s talk about the version of your relationship that actually works.