What's it like to be judged for things you do or don't do?
Being judged for our actions or lack thereof can be not so fun. It's a surefire way to activate and fire off a persons insecurities and sense of safety.
Being judged can appear to make us feel vulnerable and exposed, as if our every move is being scrutinized by others. (notice my words)
The feeling of being micromanaged and constantly monitored can create a sense of not feeling safe and being suffocating. It can spark insecure thinking within us leading to feel as though we are not trusted to make our own decisions or handle our own responsibilities. This lack of autonomy can be demoralizing and can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. (again notice my wording, it unique and different than what you typically hear, read it again)
The reason I point this out in this post isn't about what other people do, people will be people-ling, meaning they will do what they think and feel is right in the moment from their reality and that may be a stunted 6 year old version of themselves on autopilot. And that's perfectly ok, they don't know any other way. "Let Them" as Mel Robbins (I am uploading the videos from the book review each week in Video Content) would say. What I am writing, may sound harsh or a put down, it's however some people's reality. Or perhaps a judgment. We can't control what other people think, say or do. What we can do is look at our way of navigating relationships from being a son or daughter, to being a mother or father, to being a leader or a manager.. are we facilitating and offering those that we come in contact with regularly or even incidentally the tools and support they need to thrive and succeed. This means, holding onto your thoughts, opinions, your advice. Listen. Listen with an open mind and heart. NO THINKING. Clear your mind and listen.
Empower the people you come into contact with. Ask them questions that give them the space and innovation to come up with their own solutions.
We all have been judged, harshly, and micromanaged, what was your response to that?
No one wants to be judged or told what to do, even if they ask for advice; that's just polite habitual language. What they want is someone to listen to them. Hear not only their words, but also what they mean behind the words. They want someone to hold space for them to explain their situation and come up with an action plan. They want to feel in control of their life and decisions. When we intervene, we can create a co-rumination session that further reinforces their problems, issues, and keeps them stuck in a cycle of looking for what's wrong and awful in their life. Instead, if we shine a light in the direction of what's possible, where hope lies, where there are answers, innovative creativity, and an infinite amount of choices, they will seize that moment and apply it to multiple areas of their life. When we tell people what they should do, we are hindering their growth, keeping them dependent on other people's opinions, often overcomplicating the situation, and creating more conflict in their thoughts.
Listen.
Love to hear what thoughts, images and stories surface for you reading this.. I enjoy your commentary, feedback and questions!
Let's choose to uplift and inspire rather than judge and criticize.