The Breakthrough Basecamp

How different would your life be if you focused on what you truly wanted... instead of obsessing over what you don’t want?

Most every new client I work with is focused on what they don't want. And we break this habit first.

Why?

Because nothing comes from being the pitty party, complaining junkie.

Examples:

Let’s tell the truth most people are too afraid to say out loud:

Most relationships don’t end in explosions.

They die in silence.

They wither in the everyday autopilot.

Not because people stop loving each other—but because they stop being conscious.

In the realm of relationships, it can be all too easy to fall into the trap of holding onto grudges, complaining and pointing fingers. When we allow ourselves to focus solely on the faults of our partner or loved ones, it can cloud our perception, become pessimistic and hinder our ability to see the bigger picture.

It's human nature to feel hurt and disappointed when someone we care about lets us down. However, it's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. When we are in a low mood, we can also start to push our agendas, rules, and "how things should be done" onto those that we care about, unknowingly.

When we hold a person at fault in our mind, that's all we see. We become fixated on their shortcomings and flaws, failing to appreciate their positive qualities and the love they bring into our lives.

The…

In the complex world of relationships, it's easy to get caught up in our own emotions and perspectives.

We often find ourselves becoming defensive or taking offense when others provide feedback or share their opinions. What if we approached these situations with a different mindset?

There's a saying that there is at least 2% truth in what others say. This notion challenges us to remain open-minded and curious when receiving feedback or criticisms. Rather than immediately dismissing someone else's perspective, we can choose to look for that 2% of truth and consider how it might apply to our own behaviors or attitudes.

It's important to remember that taking offense or getting defensive is a sign of emotional immaturity. It doesn't necessarily mean that the other person is right or that we are wrong, or justify what they said. Instead, it provides an opportunity for growth and self-reflection.

As human beings, we often look to others to validate our feelings and emotions. It's natural to seek comfort and support from our partners when we're feeling down or upset. The harm in colluding is that you stay stuck. Well-meaning friends and family will tell you that you're right and the other person is wrong. This reinforces what might be a coping mechanism and keeps you disempowered.

Having a powerful coach on your team as a resource is crucial for navigating the challenges and troubles that may arise on your journey. A skilled coach, such as myself, can help you identify your blind spots and provide objective guidance without taking sides. You'll walk away from a coaching session accessing greater conscious awareness and deeply connected to how to move forward powerfully. Many clients over the years buy a package of sessions to get a tune up now and then.

It's…

By recognizing that every person and situation in your life is a teacher, you can start to approach challenges with a sense of curiosity and openness.

Instead of seeing difficult people as obstacles, you can view them as opportunities for personal growth and development. Embracing the idea that everyone has something to teach you can lead to deeper connections and a greater understanding of yourself and others.

Next time you encounter a challenging person or situation, try to see it as a valuable lesson and a chance to learn and grow. When you shift your perspective in this way, you open yourself up to new possibilities and insights that can help you navigate through life's challenges with grace and resilience.

Every interaction and experience has the potential to teach you something valuable, so approach each moment with an attitude of curiosity and a willingness to learn. In doing so, you…

Everything looks different with different thoughts.

Our thoughts are like a powerful filter that colors our perception of the world around us, especially when it comes to our relationships. It's not just a matter of how we see things, but also how we feel and react to them.

The narratives we create in our minds about our partner, their behavior, and the moments we share together have a profound impact on our emotional state and the dynamics of our relationship.

If you look at your partner through the lens of what they do wrong all the time you'll certainly find evidence and proof that they do things wrong, or how you wouldn't do it.

A team is more than just a collection of individuals who happen to work together at the same time and place.

A true team is comprised of diverse individuals who come together with a shared passion and commitment to collaborate towards achieving their organization's objectives and fulfilling its mission. They recognize, value and appreciate each other's unique strengths and perspectives, valuing the contributions that each person brings to the team. This diversity allows for a broader range of ideas and perspectives, leading to more creative and innovative solutions. By creating a safe space to share ideas, from the wild and unconventional to the logical and practical, team members can freely express themselves without fear of judgment. This open exchange of ideas fosters a culture of creativity and collaboration, where brainstorming sessions are dynamic and productive.

A strong healthy team works together seamlessly, leveraging each other's strengths and talents to achieve…

As a leader, it's important to periodically take a step back and conduct a leadership reality check. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and responsibilities of leading a team, but taking the time to reflect on your strengths and weaknesses can greatly benefit both you and your employees.

One way to gain valuable insight into your leadership style is to ask your employees for feedback. This can be frightening, as it requires vulnerability and openness to criticism, but the benefits far outweigh any discomfort. By asking three of your employees(or others that you lead, could be family members, people in an organization you're leading or managing) the following questions, you can gain a better understanding of where you excel and where you may need to improve:

1. Where do you see me struggle?

This question opens the door for honest feedback from your employees. They may…

Understanding is not just about comprehending information, but it is also about empathizing with others.

Empathy: the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.

It allows us to truly connect with people on a deeper level and build meaningful relationships. When we take the time to listen and seek to understand what others are going through, we show them that we care and value their experiences.

Think back to the most recent sit down meal you had with other people. Who asked questions? Did anyone? What I mean is did someone share an experience they had and then it went around the table or back and forth sharing same or similar stories, or were there people asking questions of that person that shared their story?

Questions such as..

Being judged for our actions or lack thereof can be not so fun. It's a surefire way to activate and fire off a persons insecurities and sense of safety.

Being judged can appear to make us feel vulnerable and exposed, as if our every move is being scrutinized by others. (notice my words)

The feeling of being micromanaged and constantly monitored can create a sense of not feeling safe and being suffocating. It can spark insecure thinking within us leading to feel as though we are not trusted to make our own decisions or handle our own responsibilities. This lack of autonomy can be demoralizing and can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. (again notice my wording, it unique and different than what you typically hear, read it again)

The reason I point this out in this post isn't about what other people do, people will be people-ling, meaning…

As a leader, it is crucial to cultivate a culture of open communication within your team by consistently asking thought-provoking and inquisitive questions. By posing queries such as "What is your perspective on this issue?" or "How do you believe we should approach this problem?" you not only stimulate critical thinking among team members, you as their leader are also empowering them to voice their opinions and insights.

This approach not only fosters a sense of autonomy and trust within the team, but also nurtures a collaborative environment that promotes solution-oriented thinking and innovation. By consistently engaging in this practice, you are not only strengthening the bond with your team but also fostering a culture of continuous learning and growth.

Additionally, asking "What's one solution you've thought of?" can help spark creative thinking and problem-solving skills within your team. By fostering a culture of open communication and curiosity, you can…

Avoiding tough conversations can create a rift in relationships that may be difficult to repair.

When crucial discussions are avoided, it most certainly can lead to a breakdown in trust and communication among those involved. This can result in feelings of being disregarded or unappreciated, which can ultimately damage the overall dynamic of the relationship.

When one party is ghosted or ignored, they may begin to internalize their insecurities and past experiences, causing them to misinterpret the situation and potentially make assumptions that are not accurate. It is important to address difficult conversations head-on in order to foster open and honest communication, which is essential for maintaining healthy and strong relationships.

Avoiding the topic that's the elephant in the room can lead to an increase in rebellion, as individuals may act out in response to feeling overlooked or ignored. Additionally, avoiding tough conversations can create distance between the two involved…

What truly sets you apart as a leader is not simply the title you hold, but rather the qualities and characteristics you embody.

Your integrity, actions, attitude, and behaviors all play a crucial role in defining your leadership.

Leadership is not just about holding a title or position of authority; it goes beyond that. It is about embodying clear values, passion, and drive in everything you do. It is about being a role model, inspiring others, and showing emotional intelligence. It is about leading by example with consistency and integrity, setting yourself apart as a leader worth following.

When your actions align with your values, when you bring passion and drive to your work, when you serve as a role model and inspire others, when you demonstrate emotional intelligence, and when you lead with consistency…

As a leader, it is crucial to take ownership of your mistakes. When you make a misstep, it is important to openly acknowledge it, demonstrate vulnerability, honesty, transparency, and take responsibility for your actions, and clean it up. By admitting when you have done something wrong and taking accountability for it, you set a positive example for others in the organization. Lead the way!

When you handle mistakes in a straightforward manner and take the necessary steps to rectify the situation, you show that you are willing to learn from your errors and grow from them. This not only helps to build trust among team members, but also encourages collaboration and a shared commitment to preventing similar mistakes in the future.

By embracing your mistakes and learning from them, you demonstrate humility and a willingness to…

Promote and encourage improved self-care within your team, encompassing mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

If you're a leader are you leading by example?

Are you modeling behaviors that show and prove that setting yourself up for success and by prioritizing healthy sleep, exercise, balancing your work and free time, eating healthfully, and prioritizing self-care practices?

Are you asking your team members as a group and individually what plans they have near and far that they look forward to?

Are you checking in with them to ensure they are getting the support they need in all areas of their life?

Take a relationship, for instance. If you're loaded with an agenda, wanting and expecting something to come out of a relationship, there's a heaviness and awkwardness that will surely be felt by the other person. Suspicion will arise, weariness, confusion, a disconnect, uncertainty, and lack of trust will result. When we lead with a good feeling in relationships and that is all, that's where compassion, empathy, curiosity, connection, and understanding can thrive. It allows for a genuine connection to form, based on mutual respect and care for each other's well-being. This approach creates a positive and fulfilling dynamic in the relationship, where both parties feel valued and supported.

By focusing only on bringing positivity and sincerity to the relationship, we can cultivate a strong bond built on trust and understanding.

Having on your mind, in the front or the background that you expect, desire, strive, or hope for something specific…

As a leader, it's easy to feel like time is constantly slipping away and that everything is urgent. It's common to find yourself putting out fires left and right without taking the time to connect with your team.

Have you stopped to consider that your employees may be feeling lost or unsure about their daily and weekly goals? They may be wondering how their work contributes to the bigger picture and what they need to prioritize in order to succeed and be recognized.

Everyone thinks about themselves. In the years I have been coaching, the bottom line is that everyone, in a confidential coaching conversation, wants to add value and feel like a productive contributing member of the team.

While it may seem like a hassle to have regular…

It is important to recognize the impact that our perspectives can have on our relationships. When we hold onto one viewpoint stubbornly, we limit our ability to see things from different angles and understand where others are coming from. This can hinder our growth and prevent us from fully connecting and relating with others. When we are closed minded, the connection goes cold.

Being open-minded and willing to consider different perspectives is being open, considerate and fosters trust and connection. Now you might be thinking "that means I agree, and I don't agree". That's a belief that's serving you in some way, and it's outdated and limiting. It's important to become curious what our own beliefs are that closes off communication, and leaves the back and forth dormant.

One of my favorite statements is "You could be right." (because everyone thinks they are right in what they think and believe…

Let’s talk about Stephen Covey’s 5 Levels of Listening and why they matter.

Because let’s be honest—you’ve been all five of these at some point. (Don’t lie, your brain scrolled past half of this post already.)

Which One Have you Been the last Few Days? 

Ignoring: The “Sorry, were you talking?” level. You hear zero words because you’re too busy texting, preoccupied with scrolling, distracted with your own thoughts and planning your next meal.

Pretend Listening: The "nod-and-smile" approach. You look engaged, but in reality, you're mentally composing your grocery list, deciding what show you're going to binge-watch tonight, and planning how to escape that family gathering this weekend. There may be some body language that could appear exaggerated by the speaker, and your interruptions make it clear you don't care.

People who rarely receive criticism often struggle to see it as a valuable tool for growth and development.

Feedback isn't personal. Unless we make it that way.

Words from another have no meaning until we make it mean something.

Think about it, assuming you do not have purple hair, if you and me were walking down a busy street and never met and I suddenly pass you and point at your hair and said "I hate your F***ing purple hair", would you be hurt, offended, embarrassed, ashamed, or angry? Not likely, you'd think "wow she's nuts". There's not even 2% truth in my statement.

It's truly a remarkable phenomenon how we, as humans, are able to effectively communicate with one another. The ability to express ourselves in a way that is both clear and understanding is a skill that should not be taken for granted. It is a true testament to the complexity and beauty of human interaction.

When we are able to communicate healthfully, not only are we able to convey our thoughts and feelings accurately, but we are also able to truly connect with those around us. Being able to understand the nuances of what someone is trying to communicate beyond just their words is a powerful tool in building strong relationships and fostering meaningful connections.

I love coaching my clients on healthy communication.

It's usually not the upfront need, however inevitably it's in most every single coaching session.

In a world where misunderstandings and miscommunications are all too common, the ability…