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Breaking Free from Repetitive Patterns in Your Life
- Katherine Hood
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 16
In relationships, the scariest moments often come not from big fights, but from the heavy silence that follows a tough realization. This realization usually hits hard when you see that you’re stuck in the same old patterns. That silence can feel overwhelming because it highlights the issues that keep you from growing closer.
Spotting the Cycles
Having the same arguments that never lead to a solution.
Pulling away emotionally and avoiding tough talks.
Engaging in behaviors that damage trust and intimacy.
How Silence Affects Us
It can make you feel isolated and lonely.
It stops you from resolving issues and healing.
It might lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
Start having open and honest conversations.
Consider getting professional help, from someone like me, a Self Leadership and Relationship Coach.
Focus on personal growth and understanding your thoughts and emotions.
We Live in a Thought-Created Reality (And That's Great News)
The same situation can feel completely different from one day to the next—not because the situation changed, but because your thinking did.
You don’t need to fix the relationship before you feel better—you shift the lens you’re looking through. (I will always point clients to working on themselves for that's in their control)
The shift you might be looking for opens up the moment you stop believing everything your mind tells you in a low mood.
Mind Is the Deeper Intelligence Always Available Beneath the Noise
When you're quiet enough, when the mind settles, a deeper knowing shows up. Not the reactive voice. Not the blame. Something wiser.
That’s Mind. That’s the inner wisdom that’s always trying to guide you back to clarity, connection, and calm—if we stop arguing with it.
Emotional freedom begins when we stop trying to solve the relationship from a frantic mind and start listening for what’s beneath it.
You’re Not Your Patterns—They’re Just Thought Habits
Patterns don’t define you. They’re not personality traits or emotional DNA.
They’re just thoughts that have been rehearsed so long they feel true.
The moment you see a pattern is a pattern—not “you”—you’re no longer at its mercy. That’s emotional freedom.
“You’re always one thought away from a different experience.”
Recognizing and tackling these cycles is vital for any relationship's health. While the silence can be scary, it can also spark the change and growth you need.
Familiarity can feel comfortable, but it can also trap us in patterns that are harmful. When you understand that it's not just "them", it's likely you, it can be both freeing and intimidating.
The Realization
Not too long ago, I was working with a client we will call "Sarah". She had gone through several relationships that ended in chaos and sadness. Each breakup felt like a train wreck she couldn’t look away from. After each heartache, she would get coaching, annoyed and upset with her partner, questioning why they just didn’t seem to "get it."
One afternoon, the discussion took a significant turn. As Sarah shared her latest breakup story, I noticed a pattern that she had overlooked.
“Sarah,” I said gently, “do you see any common threads in these experiences?”
After a moment of silence, clarity rushed over her. “Oh my God,” she whispered, realizing the truth that had been lurking beneath the surface. She went on to say "I am the common denominator."
Together we uncovered cycles of blame, dependency and self-sabotage, revealing that it wasn't 100% her ex-partners' faults, there were some old outdated patterns that shaped her experiences.
Understanding Patterns in Our Relationships
Patterns are like those well-worn paths in our brains that shape how we connect with others. They’re not just random quirks; they’re deeply ingrained habits that often trace back to our past experiences.
Think about it: our brains love to rely on patterns because they help us make sense of the world around us. It's determining twice a second if we are safe or not.
Where Do These Patterns Come From?
We don't need to spend months or years analyzing and rehashing the past. But in general, where these patterns come from is a bit of a mixed bag! It’s not just about our childhood experiences, although those play a big role.
Our patterns can be influenced by:
Family Dynamics: The way our parents or caregivers interacted can set the tone for our own relationships. (normalized what a relationship looks like or for some of us, the opposite)
Media Influence: Movies, books, and TV shows often portray relationships in a certain light, which can shape our expectations and behaviors. (again normalizing what a relationship dynamic looks like and often not healthy)
Social Circle: The relationships we observe in our friends or peers can also impact how we relate to others. (have friends that are miserable, complain and commiserate, here's a hint, don't follow their steps)
Culture and Society: The norms and values of the society we live in can dictate what’s considered acceptable in relationships. (I like to call this hypnosis by proxy)
Social Media: Platforms like Instagram and Facebook can create unrealistic standards and influence how we perceive ourselves and others. (what you see on social media is not real!!)
Why It Matters
Understanding these patterns is super important because they can affect everything from how we communicate to how we handle conflict. And if you are unaware of your patterns, what's at the heart of the matter, well you can't improve. If we recognize the roots of our behaviors, we can start to make conscious choices about how we want to relate to others. It’s all about breaking those old habits and creating healthier connections in our lives!
Sometimes we chose partners who reflected what was familiar growing up. This happens because of how our brains are wired, shaped by our experiences when we were younger. We tend to go for people who feel familiar and comfortable, which can lead us to repeat patterns from past relationships, whether with family, friends, or early crushes. Sometimes, these choices aren’t the best for us and can keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns.
Embracing the Patterns
Recognizing your patterns is just the beginning; conscious awareness. The real challenge lies in embracing them and committing to change. This isn't about placing blame on yourself or anyone else, but realizing that you can rewrite your story. Your past is like a book, you can put it on a shelf, you don't have to re-live it over and over. Open up a new fresh book with blank pages.
Through understanding, conscious awareness radical acceptance. Acknowledging your role in these recurring patterns became a pathway to forgiveness, both for yourself and others.
Where Do You Find Yourself?
Now, it’s your turn to think about your own patterns.
What habits are you stuck in that are hurting your connections?
Everyone carries their own baggage, but the key is how we choose to deal with it. Take a moment to reflect. What cycles do you keep finding yourself in your relationships?
Ready to Make a Change?
If this resonates with you, now is your time to embrace empowerment. If you're ready to break free from old patterns and acknowledge your role in relationships, take that leap of faith!
In summary, realizing that you might be the common factor in your relationship issues can be a strong starting point for personal growth. Change takes time, but understanding and breaking old patterns leads to healthier, deeper connections.
The journey to face our patterns is one of courage. Take that first step today, embrace your capacity to grow, and see how your relationships begin to flourish! You don't have to do it alone either, I know our mind can derail getting stated or even sabotage doing the work, reach out to me, let's navigate it together!
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