“I Avoid People to Protect My Mental Health”
- Katherine Hood
- Dec 31, 2025
- 6 min read
A simple Facebook question was asked:
“Something you avoid now to protect your mental health”
What This Viral Thread Really Reveals
The responses came fast. And loud.
People. Family. Friends. Partners. Crowds. Drama. Politics. Conflict. “Everyone.”
Over and over again, the same answer appeared in different forms: People.
Not sleep deprivation. Not money stress. Not social media habits. Not lack of sleep. Not finances. Not social media habits: People.
At first glance, this looks like people becoming more selective with their energy and attention. Sometimes, that’s exactly what’s happening.
If we slow down and really listen to what’s being said, there’s something deeper happening beneath the surface.
This thread isn’t just about mental health. It’s about how we understand the source of our feelings. And that distinction matters more than most people realize.
What People Are Actually Trying to Protect
When someone says they avoid people to protect their mental health, they are rarely saying: “I don’t like humans.”
They’re saying things like:
I feel emotionally unsafe around certain people
I leave interactions feeling drained or dysregulated
I’m tired of being blamed, judged, or misunderstood
I don’t feel respected or seen
I end up carrying emotional weight that isn’t mine
I lose myself trying to manage others’ reactions
Avoidance becomes the nervous system’s way of creating relief. And in many situations, that relief is healthy.
Leaving abusive relationships.
Choosing sobriety and avoiding triggers.
Reducing exposure to manipulation or aggression.
Stepping back from chronic chaos.
That isn’t about being fragile. It’s about knowing what matters, using time and energy towards what's most important.
Let’s slow down and see it clearly.
Some avoidance is protective. It creates space to heal. It prevents further harm. It stabilizes a system that has been overloaded for awhile or perhaps a long time.
That part deserves respect.
Where the Pattern Starts to Shift from Healthy to Harmful
When the answers expand from: “certain people”
to: “everyone” “humans” “relationships” “life”
That’s a different signal.
That’s not self-protection. It’s a nervous system living on high alert. Stuck on survival mode.
When avoidance becomes global, it stops being a tool and starts being a belief.
And the belief sounds like this:
People make me feel bad. Being around others costs me my peace. My inner state depends on who is around me.
That belief feels logical when you’re overwhelmed. It also quietly gives away a lot of power.
The Hidden Assumption Most People Don’t Notice
The comments point to a shared pattern, even when the wording differs.
“I avoid people who give me negative energy.” “I stay away from drama.” “I can’t be around certain family members.” “People drain me.”
Underneath all of it is an assumption most of us were taught very early:
Other people cause how I feel.
If they’re calm, I’m calm. If they’re chaotic, I’m anxious. If they’re kind, I feel good. If they’re critical, I collapse.
This belief is so common it feels like common sense.
But it comes with a cost.
When we believe people create our emotional experience, we have only two options:
Control them
Avoid them
And since control rarely works, avoidance becomes the default.
This is the moment mental health quietly becomes fragile, because the source of emotional experience has been placed outside of self.
Why Avoidance Feels So Good at First
Avoidance works in the short term because it reduces stimulation.
Fewer interactions. Less unpredictability. Less emotional charge.
The nervous system gets a break.
That’s why people feel immediate relief when they cut someone off or withdraw from social situations.
The problem isn’t that avoidance helps.
The problem is that it doesn’t teach the system how to be steady when life shows up anyway.
So the threshold for overwhelm gets lower.
What used to be tolerable becomes exhausting. What used to be neutral starts feeling threatening. What used to feel manageable now feels impossible.
The world shrinks.
And eventually, the person isn’t just avoiding toxic dynamics. They’re avoiding life itself.
The Paradox No One Talks About
Here’s the uncomfortable truth most mental health conversations skip:
You cannot curate your way into peace.
You can block people. Change environments. Leave relationships. Mute conversations.
And still feel anxious, lonely, resentful, or on edge.
Why?
Because the source of emotional experience was never outside of you to begin with.
That doesn’t mean people’s behavior is acceptable. It means behavior is not the same thing as emotional creation.
A Different Way to Understand What’s Happening
Every human lives in a moment-to-moment internal experience shaped by:
Memory
Meaning and Stories in their Mind
Conditioning and Beliefs
Meaning
Past Fears and Pain
Future desires
When someone says, “That person drains me,” what’s actually happening is this:
An interaction triggers certain thoughts. Those thoughts create a physiological and emotional response. The body reacts as if there is a threat.
The feeling feels external because the trigger is external.
But the experience is internal.
That distinction changes everything.
Because once you see that, the question shifts.
Not: “How do I avoid people so I can feel okay?”
Becomes: “What stories are happening inside me?”
Why This Is Not Victim-Blaming
This is important to state clearly.
Staying in abusive situations
Tolerating disrespect
Forcing closeness
Ignoring real harm
Your safety matters, and what happens when you take ownership of your life is you start to take a stand and make choices and decisions that set your life up for the best possible success.
Distance can and may be necessary. Limited access to your mental, emotional and or physical energy until you're learned the skill of self regulation is often necessary, and recommended.
The difference is this:
Limitations or access to you are are choices made from self love and clarity.
Avoidance is often a reaction made from fear or pain.
One expands capacity. The other quietly contracts it.
The Cost of Believing People Control Your Inner State
When we hand emotional power to other people, a few things happen.
We become hyper-vigilant. Scanning rooms for threats. Bracing before conversations. Rehearsing responses. Overthinking what to say, how to be or put your hands. Avoid or put off honest conversations to prevent reactions.
And over time, we lose trust in ourselves.
Because if people control how we feel, then safety is always external.
That’s exhausting, and leaves us feeling stuck and powerless.
What Protecting Mental Health Actually Looks Like
Protecting mental health isn’t about eliminating discomfort.
It’s about building internal steadiness so discomfort doesn’t run the show.
That looks like:
This is where real resilience forms.
Not in isolation. Not in avoidance. But in capacity.
A More Honest Reframe
Instead of saying:
“I avoid people to protect my mental health.”
What if the truth sounded more like:
“I’m learning how to master my inner state so I don’t have to disappear from life.”
That shift matters.
Because the goal isn’t to live untouched by humans.
It’s to live with humans without abandoning yourself.
The Question That Changes Everything
There’s one simple question that brings this entire conversation back to self-leadership:
How do I want to feel, regardless of who is around me?
Not: How do I make them change?
Not: How do I get away?
But: How do I show up anchored?
That question moves power back where it belongs.
The Invitation This Thread Is Quietly Making
This Facebook thread isn’t a sign that people are broken.
It’s a sign that many nervous systems are tired.
Tired of carrying emotional labor. Tired of managing reactions. Tired of being blamed for how others feel.
Avoidance has been their life raft.
Now the next step is learning how to swim.
Not by forcing exposure. Not by pushing through fear. But by understanding how inner experience actually works.
When you stop believing people make you feel good or bad, something surprising happens.
You don’t become colder.
You become freer.
More grounded. More present. More connected.
Because connection no longer costs you your peace.
And that’s the kind of mental health no amount of avoidance can replace.
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